Omniscient Being

Dear Parents: Taking away our cellphone, laptop, Wii, xBox . . .

Every Dog Has His Day

Friday, June 17, 2011 :: Life

My daughter, smart though she may be, is like all teenagers: omniscient of all things life and indignant towards her elders (that would be me). She is not singular in this affliction, of course. All teenagers since the opposable thumb evolved have been know-it-alls, myself excepted — I swear!

opposable thumbsLately she has taken to posting on Facebook bits of parenting knowledge she wishes those of us with inferior DNA would acquire. And today I logged into the site to find this:

“Dear Parents:
Taking away our cellphone, laptop, Wii, xBox, iPod and friends WILL NOT teach us a lesson. It will only piss us off and we’ll be ten times worse to deal with. So, you might as well give us our stuff!
Sincerely, Teenagers”

H-m-m-m, I thought. How to respond? I could have ignored it, always a prudent measure. Or I could have raged at “them” and, you know, put them in their place. But, in the end, I decided the truth was best (and occasionally it works!).

“Dear Child:
Your cellphone is a nuisance that is rarely charged and usually lost. Your laptop is a mostly-broken hand-me-down that’s slower than grandpa, and your Wii, xBox and iPod are just as much fun for me as they are for you. Your being pissed off is only a minor inconvenience — and one worth suffering — in order to play World Of Warcraft while listening to Eminem (on your iPod!) and drinking a beer. Go to your room! Go to your room, now. Go!
Love, Dad."

It is a sad truth in life that we each must occasionally be reminded of, even the genetically superior know-it-alls among us are not immune to it. You can be as smart as anyone and surrounded by idiots, but when the big dog wants to eat, it eats.

Tags for this article
big dog, parents, teenaged, toys

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JACK MCDANIEL :: AGENTS OF THE UNDERTOW